🔗 Share this article

Experiencing denial, notably when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a clear “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am well acquainted with rejection. I started pitching articles 50 years back, upon college graduation. Over the years, I have had multiple books declined, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. During the recent score of years, specializing in personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a setback frequently—adding up to over 100 times a year. In total, rejections throughout my life run into thousands. At this point, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a self-pitying rant? Not at all. As, at last, at seven decades plus three, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

Some context: At this point, nearly everyone and their relatives has said no. I’ve never kept score my win-lose ratio—it would be quite demoralizing.

For example: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 editors declined my book idea before someone approved it. A few years later, 25 literary agents rejected a project. An editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less often.

My Steps of Rejection

In my 20s, every no hurt. I took them personally. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• First, surprise. What went wrong? Why would editors be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely they rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? You’re stupid and your publication stinks. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at them, then self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably accompanied by optimism). How can I convince you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Precedents

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Accounts of authors whose manuscripts was at first turned down are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team. Many American leaders over the past six decades had earlier failed in campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his script for Rocky and bid to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the final phase of setback. Peace. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. For starters, an editor may have already featured a similar piece, or be planning one in progress, or be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or the reader believes I don’t have the experience or stature to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am offering. Or was too distracted and scanned my submission too fast to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an realization. Any work can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Admittedly, my ideas and work may occasionally be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, notably dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at older—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have appeared in magazines big and little, in diverse sources. My first op-ed appeared decades ago—and I have now submitted to many places for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no signings in bookshops, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better handle rejection at my age, because my, small accomplishments have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can now be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but only if you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What